The Billings Outpost

Finding work for Schweitzer; fixing soccer

Cowgirl, mystery lady of  Montana’s political blogs, has challenged us to find a new job for the Guv.

Gov. Brian Schweitzer is out of work. Term limits bar him from running for a third term.

It doesn’t seem fair. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was elected to nine terms, or so it seems. If FDR were still alive, he wouldn’t let the stupid people limit a great man’s terms in office.

Partisanship has had an ugly run in recent years and may lessen Schweitzer’s chances of Senate confirmation for a Cabinet post. Maybe so. Maybe not. Someone with proven ability to work closely with the opposing party might be attractive.

The Departments of Agriculture and Energy, for reasons of experience and association, suggest other possibilities.

No slouch as a fund raiser, the governor might find a leadership post in his own  party. He would not be the first Big Sky governor to win such a prize.

It is a shame that the man perhaps best qualified for the job can’t have it. 

In the good old days there were more job openings. Gov. Joseph Moore Dixon, our seventh governor, came to Montana from Snow Camp, N.C. The son of Quaker parents, he was made of the stuff progressives are fashioned from. Shortly after arriving in Montana, Dixon founded a law firm, was elected to the state Legislature and bought a newspaper.

He ran for governor as a Republican and won. In 1903 he was elected to the U.S. House. He was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1903 and governor in 1907.

Teddy Roosevelt  won two terms in the White House as a Republican, but when he ran against his vice president, William Howard Taft, as a member of the progressive Bull Moose Party, his career ended. Dixon, incidentally, was Teddy’s campaign manager.

Schweitzer has a resume to recommend him to the state Department and several other cabinet level jobs. He worked overseas on agricultural projects and has visited 37 countries across the world. He oversaw the building of major irrigation projects and the construction of the world’s largest dairy farm in Saudi Arabia.

Finally, the governor might do nothing and do it very well. That is to say he might be looking for an occupation, not a job. As the successful chief executive officer of an organization (the state of Montana) he left the state with a record number of jobs and the highest wages in its history. 

A small afterthought: Cowgirl has been accused of being an undercover  Schweitzer agent.

• • •

We close today with a question fresh from the couch potato watching the opening games of the NFL season: Why do all the women soccer players look like sweaty men with ponytails?

A better question would be: Why do most teams look like pick-up teams? Typically, three Americans, a couple of South Africans, a Scot and a woman from west L.A. These are players not good enough to make their home nation’s team, which was not good enough to attract a full lineup of home girls.

America has to spare players and SUV’s to transport them. We are a very wealthy country.

Q. Do you have any suggestions for rule changes in international soccer rules? 

Answer Guy: Yes, I do. First, the game should be called “soccer” – not “football,” pronounced to rhyme with “mootbowl.” If that doesn’t fit the Third World’s pistol, how about calling the game “headball” or “hedbowl”?

I would also add a “five minute rule.” If there was no score in the first five minutes, everyone, both teams and the audience included, would be required to take a shower and go home.

Q. In mid-July a patch of the Greenland ice cap suddenly began to melt. In a few days an area of the ice cap’s surface covering 836,330 square miles was turning to slush.

Climatologists said a “dome of hot air” had drifted into the Arctic and settled onto Greenland. This phenomenon of a hump-backed Chinook occurs once in 150 years. The recent melt, over an area three times the size of Texas, spilled massive amounts of water into the North Atlantic.

Climate change specialists kept watch to determine if the thaw would raise sea level. Did it?

A.G. No.

Answer Guy’s researchers checked Pryor, Tullock, Sarpy, Rock and Alkali Creeks. Not one had risen. Our scientists discovered evidence of a hot air mass landing on a similar thaw in 1905 in the shape of a corn crib.

Expect the next one in 2105.


Copyright 2012 Wild Raspberry Inc.

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